South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I don't think brook has ever known best
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
