I don't remember. Are we still dating?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize