The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
You can't motorboat a personality
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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