Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
