hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize