fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
