If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Just pee around me
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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