he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
