I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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