I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
