So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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