OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
