Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
