So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
