okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
