first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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