We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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