I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
