I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
