Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
