Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I got inside last night via doggy door
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
