okay pat passed out under dana's car
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
