I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
