Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
