I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
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