just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
