well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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