Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
foreskin is a definite game changer
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
