I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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