This girl is more easily done than said...
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
