I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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