ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
