The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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