i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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