I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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