you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
