i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
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