I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
