I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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