I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
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