worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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