I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
