Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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