Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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