i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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