Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
