Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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