I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Randomize