I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
