i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I think people are normalizing furries
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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