I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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