Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
