did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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