If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
