dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
