She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Did you pee in the oven last night??
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize