I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Randomize
