I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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