Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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