I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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