Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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