I wish I could teleport
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
