yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
