i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize