Only a mothe r could love this liver
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Randomize
