Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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