It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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