Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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