I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize