You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
