Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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