Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
We named our party play list daddy issues
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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