Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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