Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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