If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
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