I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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