im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
