Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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