just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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