I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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