I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Randomize
