Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
