what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
im six kinds of drunk right now
is wine microwaveable?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
