I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
