Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
