At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
