god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
