and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
What a dumb baby whore.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize