Moan for me like Helen Keller
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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