Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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