ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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