just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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