So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
We left an ass print on the piano.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
