Only a mothe r could love this liver
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Randomize
