There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
