i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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