Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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