I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
