She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
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