Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
