i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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