wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize