I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
