It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
as a side note pls kill me
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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