A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
