I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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