I am midnight drunk by noon
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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