I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
